Make me a no one like you
by stilljustme
Summary: Post 3Ax6 (Motel California) - what if Scott had killed himself? How is Stiles dealing with losing his best friend? (not at all, that's how)


**This scene made me cry. Seeing both Scott's and Stiles' desperation was just… you know how it was. And I couldn't stop wondering how things would have turned out if Scott hadn't changed his mind – so here we are.**

* * *

" _ **We were no one. Maybe I just should be no one again. No one at all."  
"Just listen to me, okay? You're not no one. Okay, you're someone, Scott, you're my best friend. And I need you. Scott, you're my brother. Alright, so… if you're gonna do this, then… I think you're gonna have to take me with you, then." **_

_But you didn't. You didn't take me with you. Or was it me being unable to follow you? I still don't get it. Damn werewolf reflexes. I wanted to come with you, Scott. I really did.  
But I screwed up. As usual – I always screw up, all my life. Except now people notice it, because you're no longer there to save me. You just left, man.  
Because I failed you.  
I'm not blaming you, I mean, I… okay, yes, I do. I'm not reason enough for you to live, I get that, okay, but how could you leave the team? How could you leave Allison, and your mom?  
Damn it, Scott, how could you leave me?_

 _I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'd… you know, I'd give everything to get you back, Scott. Since you've… gone, it's just as if we're all in a coma. Your mom hasn't said a word since dad brought her to – to what remained of you. Allison and Lydia can't seem to stop crying, Isaac's going nuts. I heard he attacked Derek last night, and Derek didn't even defend himself. Damn, Scott, you broke Derek Hale!  
And I… I'm sorry. I don't know if you burnt yourself just to get rid of me, but if you did, the worse for you. I can't do this whole life thing without you, Scott. I can't. I've lost my mom, I'm not gonna survive losing you. _

With bated breath, Stiles took out the key. As a kid, he'd used to search for it all the time, but had never tried to actually open the closet, so his father had stopped looking for new hiding places when Stiles was about nine. It was still where it had been then, stuck in a pair of socks inside a box that had once been filled with blankets. Now it was filled with his mother's favorite clothes – the shirt she'd worn when dad had asked her to marry him, the blue dress that had highlighted her eyes… Stiles leant against the wall as tears made him choke. The pain of missing her was so overwhelming it seemed to tear him apart, only a few moments and he'd simply die where he was now.  
 _Mom_. He needed to make it stop, all the pain, he couldn't go on.

 _Maybe you're right, okay? We should be no one again. Actually, I already am no one. Since you're dead, I'm no one. No one's best friend anymore. And you were more than just my best friend… but it didn't matter. And it doesn't matter now._

On numb legs, Stiles finally made his way to the closet, trying not to breathe in too deeply, trying not to think about his mom or his dad – who would be lonely, so lonely, and who'd forever blame himself – or Scott… especially not Scott.  
The bravest, kindest person Stiles had ever known. Someone who, just like mom, had always been there for Stiles and protected him.  
Someone who, just like mom, Stiles hadn't been able to save.

 _You left me but I'm not gonna let you go that easy. I'm with you, I promised I would. And if you don't want me, you've got to tell me yourself because I will not leave you alone, wherever you go. You're my alpha if I ever had one._

The moment his fingers touched the cool metal, the tears stopped. Calm now, Stiles took out the revolver, then the ammunition.

 _It's okay, Scott. I'm almost there. You're not alone. I will not fail you again._

Slowly, Stiles put the gun into his mouth. Ugly, but the safest way.

 _I'm sorry, mom.  
But dad's gonna be okay eventually. _

_Scott -_ _your mom, Isaac, Allison,… they're gonna be happy again one day. But I can't, okay? I'm… I'm just not that strong, Scott. I need my brother. I can't go on without you, I just…_

 _I can't._


End file.
